


Summertime Woos... er, Blues

by Kleptomaniac_Can_Opener



Category: Yu-Gi-Oh!
Genre: F/M, M/M, Parody, Silly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-09-26
Updated: 2007-10-05
Packaged: 2018-02-09 09:12:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,507
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1977243
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kleptomaniac_Can_Opener/pseuds/Kleptomaniac_Can_Opener
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>With the summer product line finally on sale and the fall line ahead of schedule, Seto thought he could finally do some well-deserved alone time activities with his boyfriend, but everything seems to be against his plans of getting some hanky-panky.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Attempt #1

**Author's Note:**

> This was a humor challenge where 4 out of 25 items had to appear in the story...I used all of them! XD
> 
> Disclaimer: I’m not a Japanese man named Kazuki Takahashi! *cries* I don’t own Yugi-oh, just my insanity! And you can’t have it!  
> 

“Peddle, Shizuka-chan, peddle!”  
“I AM peddling, Mokuba-kun!”

Katsuya and Seto watched as their younger siblings played on the new paddleboat game that Seto had invented for the summer line-up at KaibaLand. Shizuka was holding the safety bars with white knuckles as the boat rocked and she peddled with all her might. Mokuba was in a similar position with a determined look on his face and fire burning in his grey-blue eyes. Both of them had their long hair pulled back into ponytails and were wearing sweatbands looking eerily like actors from an old eighties movie. It was a comical sight to behold. 

“Stop, Shizuka-chan! We need to make a right turn!”  
“Got it!”

The blond chuckled at the two and turned to his boyfriend. “You made that to keep down their energy, huh?” Seto’s right eye almost twitched as he recalled the incident at the beginning of spring that had sprung the idea for the game.

~

The day had been going fine for Seto. His paperwork had been finished, the children had been fed and entertained, and his lover was due to be horny. They were walking back towards the manor when Shizuka’s eyes had lit up like flashlights in a haunted house.

“Mokuba-kun! It’s Candy-Candy Bam-Bam!”  
“Alright! Let’s get something!”

Before Seto could blink, Mokuba had plunged his small hand into the pocket of his red trench coat, yanked out his wallet, slipped out his credit card, and was off running with his girlfriend to buy out the music and sweets store. Whoever had thought THAT was a good combination must have been high as a kite in a hurricane at the time.

The two of them had been hyper well into the night before they had finally crashed like a train wreck, which had killed Seto’s plans to put Katsuya’s usual stores of high energy to use inside the bedroom, since the blond had felt the need to play with them the entire time.

~

“Watch out! Sea monster!” cried Shizuka. “Left turn!”  
“C’mon! Turn! Turn!” Mokuba pleaded.  
“It’s a dead-end!” A fanged mouth closed in on their boat.

Chomp!

GAME OVER

“Nooooooo!” both children cried out.  
“We almost made it,” whined Mokuba as he pried his hands off the safety bars.  
“We’ll cross the finish line next time, Mokuba-kun.” Shizuka patted him on the shoulder, then smiled and hugged him close. Mokuba, with a grin on his face, took the chance to cuddle against her soft breasts. Shizuka squeaked in surprise but didn’t complain.

“Hey! No copping feels on my sister!” shouted Katsuya, stomping over to them. Mokuba stuck his tongue out at him.  
“It’s nothing Oniisama doesn’t do to you!” Katsuya blushed then growled and made a lunge for the younger teen.  
“Run, Mokuba-kun!” laughed Shizuka.  
“I’m running!” The boy jumped quick as a rabbit out of the boat, just getting out of reach of the blond. 

“I’ll get you back later, Mokuba!” the blond snorted and walked back over to Seto, who was smirking. “What happened to that sweet little boy that I used to know?”  
“He hit puberty and got hormones like every other teenager,” his lover responded, still grinning. Seto wrapped an arm around Katsuya’s waist. “We can ‘discuss’ this in my office. The kids will be fine.”  
“I don’t know ...” Katsuya loved getting it on with his blue-eyed boyfriend, there was no doubt about that, but he found it unsettling that Mokuba wanted to do the same thing with his baby sister.

At the moment, though, the pair were acting their age again and deciding on what games to play next. “I’m going to play the horseback riding game,” Shizuka declared with a bounce in her step.  
“I’ll do the Motocross one next to it then!” Mokuba ran over to ride on the motorcycle, and most likely to see how many virtual riders he could make crash before he wiped out. The two kids mounted their chosen modes of cyber transportation and swiped their KaibaLand cards.  
“I bet I can beat my course before you beat yours!” she challenged. Mokuba smirked.  
“What’s at stake, babe?” Shizuka leaned over and whispered in his ear. A moment later the boy was blushing. “You’re on!”

Seto nipped his lover’s ear. “They’re perfectly fine. The guards are keeping an eye on them. I think it’s time we got to play.” The blond shivered.  
“Well ...”

“Hey, Jounouchi-kun,” shouted Anzu as she ran up to them, her large breasts bouncing like balloons. “Wanna go on a tour of a nude beach? A bunch of us are going!”  
“Do I ever!” exclaimed the blond with a huge a grin. “I’ve always wanted to see one of those! C’mon, Seto, we’re going!”

“Cool! Can we come?” Mokuba yelled from where he was still on the motorcycle.  
“No,” Seto answered without hesitation.  
“Awww...” CRASH! “Shit!” 

Shizuka laughed and got double points on a high jump. “We don’t need to go to a nudie beach anyways,” Shizuka said and winked at her boyfriend.  
“Promise?” Mokuba purred.

“Touch my sister and I’ll kill, ya, Mokuba!” Katsuya threatened with a raised fist. “Where are we meeting?” he asked once he turned back to Anzu.  
“We have to be at South Station in about forty minutes, so let’s go!”  
“Yeah!”

Seto didn’t try to fight when Katsuya grabbed his wrist and started pulling him along. “How long is this tour?”  
“It’s just a couple hours. It’ll still be daylight when we get back,” she assured him then giggled. “I’m sure those two can’t get into too much trouble between now and then.”

“Who’s all going?” Katsuya had released Seto’s wrist so they could all walk side-by-side. Anzu began to tick off her fingers, naming several off-screen characters such as A-ko, B-ko, and C-ko. “... And Honda and Miho are definitely coming too. Yugi and Yami already promised to work at the shop today, though.”  
“Aw, sucks to be them,” the blond snickered. “In more ways than one I bet.”  
“Jounouchi!” Anzu laughed and hit him on the back, almost toppling her taller friend over.  
“Damn, girl! You been working out or something?! You’re like freakin’ She-Ra!”  
“I’ve got the power!”

Seto sighed and unlocked his car so they could all climb inside. “Why are we going on this ridiculous expedition?”  
“Because it’ll be fun, spoil-sport,” pouted Katsuya. “God, you can be so boring sometimes. Liven up a little.” Seto grumbled that he HAD been livening up until the woman had popped out of nowhere with her stupid promise of naked people—when he would have BEEN one—if she hadn’t of interfered when she did.

After threatening a coop of albino demon pigeons with several expletives, Seto was able to park his car at the station with three minutes to spare. Anzu and Katsuya rushed him to the waiting point and clamored onto the bus. “We made it!” the enthusiastic pair cheered at the same time.

“Hey! Over here!” Honda was easy to spot towards the back of the vehicle, his shark fin pointing straight up like Jaws on the prowl. “We saved you a seat! What’s sourpuss doing here?”  
“Cause you know I like it sweet AND sour,” Katsuya replied with a grin. He sat on Seto’s lap and made himself comfortable.

“Is that you, Miho?” Anzu bent over the back of the seat, giving the guys in the seats ahead of hers a great view of her shorts-clad bottom with the text ‘Who Wears Short Shorts?’ stenciled across her round cheeks. “Is there a costume party I don’t know about? You look like a garden nun!” Her lavender-haired friend peeked up from under the wide brim sun hat she was wearing, though it was hard to tell with the oversized sunglasses perched on her nose.  
“I messed up my spray-on tan,” she admitted in a whisper. Honda sweatdropped.  
“I keep telling her she looks okay.”

“It can’t be THAT bad, Miho!” said Katsuya. “Right, Seto?”  
“She probably looks like an Oompa Loompa,” replied the brunet. Miho started crying.  
“I look like an Easter Egg!”  
“I’m sure it’s not that bad,” said Anzu.  
“It is!” she claimed and hid further under her hat and into the oversized clothing draped over her small frame. “I forgot to take off my body make up before I sprayed the tan on!”

Seto and Katsuya tried to imagine that and burst out laughing. Honda gave his best friend a sharp whack on the head with Miho’s trout-shaped purse—it had to weigh 17-pounds—and Seto only a sharp glare —because he liked living if only to be able to hit the blond with a fake trout. One of the fish’s eyes popped out, hit a random passenger on the head, then pegged a girl on her boobies, and finally landed on the floor to roll around as eyeballs tend to do.

“I’ll get it,” Katsuya volunteered, feeling guilty for having made Miho cry harder. He started crawling around the bus, encouraging others to whistle catcalls at his ass and giving his boyfriend fun ideas for later. When he stood back up he jumped right out of his sneakers. “Whoa! Giant clam in my face!”

“Hello, everybody,” shouted the giant clam with a gay accent, who in actuality was a guy in a clam suit with a gay accent. “I’m Big Clam Al, your super summer tour guide! If you would all have your seats, let’s get started!”

With that, the bus was on its way out of town. Since the beach was a couple space knots away, Big Clam Al pointed out the many sights they passed while still in the city. There was the Ichigo Bakery, the Nonni’s Toy Store, Candy-Candy Bam-Bam, and the gang of rapid sea monkeys that attacked passing dogs.

“Wow! That’s guy’s huge,” commented Anzu once they reached the beach, her blue eyes wide. Katsuya looked over her shoulder and shrugged.  
“Eh, Seto’s bigger.”  
“Mutt,” Seto growled in warning. He didn’t want delicate measurements getting out to the public. But his boyfriend didn’t seem to hear him because he was grinning like the Cheshire Cat.  
“AND he’s magically delicious!”

“MUTT!”

 

The bus couldn’t have returned to the station fast enough for Seto’s peace of mind. With everyone singing him praises of ‘the big, the bad, and the hung’ he felt like he could bury himself in his work for the next year and not mind a damned bit. Screw the sexy blond. Wait, he couldn’t screw the blond if he buried himself in his work, especially since it was far better to bury himself in his boyfriend. Damn Katusya for making things difficult for him!

“Hi, niisama!”  
“Over here, big brother!” Mokuba and Shizuka waved from where they were waiting by the benches. The pair must have looked the tour up and found out when they would be back. “Oh! Hi, Anzu, Honda! Is that you, Miho?”

Miho tried to hide under her hat again, but just then a huge gust of wind blew in from the east, which was unfortunate for Miho, as the East Wind was known as the pervert of all the airstreams. Her hat and billowy clothes were torn right off in the way of Team Rocket and super heroes alike, leaving the girl in just her bikini. “Oh no!” Her purple, blue, orange, and pink swirls were exposed for the world to see. She looked like a bowl of Lucky charms. Seto laughed and received an elbow to the stomach courtesy of Katsuya for the effort.  
“That is so cool!” shouted Mokuba, running up to her, Shizuka and several others behind him.  
“How did you tie-dye your skin like that? I want to do it!”

Katsuya paled at his impressionable sister’s words and Seto smirked in satisfaction. “No no no no no no!” the blond shouted. “Mom would kill me!”  
“Oh lighten up, big brother.”

Meanwhile, the camera crew for a street fashion magazine came out of nowhere and started taking pictures of Miho. The girl was eating up the attention and showing off her new look with flourish. It wouldn’t be long before half the people in the city started looking like a box of fruity pebbles.

Seto just laughed at Katsuya’s distress over the idea of his sister looking like a Picasso until Mokuba said he wanted to do it too. “To hell you are!”  
“Am too!” Mokuba blew him a raspberry. “And if you let me you’ll have plenty of alone time with Katsu-niisan.”  
“Hmm, excellent proposition.”

“Hey, I’m not some commodity, you know!” Katsuya poked Seto in the chest. Seto grabbed the finger and pulled his boyfriend closer, grinning like a wolf who had a sheep between his paws, or a puppy in this case. They were a delicacy, you know.  
“But you ARE mine,” he purred.

His business cell rang, singing out the ending theme song to Hamtaro. The blond must have gotten hold of it again. Seto growled and answered it. “WHAT?” There was an ‘eep’ followed by someone scrambling to pick their phone back up on the other end of the line.  
“Kaiba sir, the Kaiba Corp. computer system has caught some sort of bug! There are Spiderman chibis crawling all over the screens and gumming up the works!”  
“And what dumbass let a virus into the system?”  
“I don’t know, sir! Really I don’t! Please don’t eat me!” he cried in a frantic bid for life, forgetting he was on a phone and not facing his boss.  
“I’ll be right there.” Seto snapped his phone closed, tempted to crush the thin piece of technology.

Katsuya smiled and gave him a peck on the lips. “Don’t sweat it. I’ll go home with the kids.” Seto’s balls whimpered in horror and distress and his dick just flat-out shriveled up. 

He was going to murder whoever it was that took away from his sex time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Items used:  
> 1\. Sailboat or paddle boat  
> 7\. Talking clam  
> 8\. Nude beach  
> 9\. Spray-on-tan gone horribly wrong  
> 20\. Horseback or motorcycle ride  
> 21\. Mokuba (in possession of one of Seto's credit cards) running towards either a sweets shop or a music store.


	2. Attempt #2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: "Fish Heads" is by the band `Barnes and Barnes'. "Why Does the Sun Shine" and "Particle Man" are by `They Might Be Giants'.

It was one of those white, folded invitation cards. The lettering was gold and as fancy as a peacock in a wedding dress. Katsuya wondered why the writing was illegible if you actually wanted the person to come over.

‘You are cordially invited’, said the note, and Katsuya could almost hear the voice of Captain Picard speaking, ‘to a party at Domino Beach at one o’clock as hosted by Miho Nozaka, the Queen of Summer Fashion and Chocolate Pudding, holder of the Tri-force earrings, and bearer of the One Ring that Clues Them All.’

“Awesome! We’re totally going!”  
“What are you yelling about first thing in the morning?” Seto rubbed his temples; he felt like he had a hangover, which really wasn’t fair since he hadn’t had a chance to drink last night, unless one of those damned sea monkeys by the Candy-Candy Bam-Bam had managed to spike his Coca-cola while he was watching Katsuya’s ass.  
“It’s after noon, and Miho just invited us to a beach party. Grab your trunks and some sunscreen. Mokuba! Shizuka!” he bellowed into the television room. “Turn off that crap about transsexual Nazi Eskimos! We’re going to the beach!”  
“YAY!” cheered the children. Seto felt his headache getting worse.

 

The party was already in full-swing when they arrived. Several guests were already high enough on sugar and caffeine that they were singing Power Rangers songs. “Uh oh! We’re in trouble! Someone’s come along and he’s burst our bubble!”  
“Yeah! Yeah!”

“Jounouchi-kun! Seto-kun! Over here!” Yugi was trying to wave them over, bouncing up and down in his Dark Magician swimming trunks.  
“Hey! How come you don’t have a farmer’s tan?” the blond asked as he jogged over.  
“I wasn’t drawn that way.”  
“Oh. Lucky.”

“Come on,” the almost midget urged, “we’re playing Leap Frog.”  
“That’s cool. Where’s Yami?”  
“He’s helping at the grill. He’s been fascinated with cooking ever since I taught him how to make an egg.”  
“Tell me you got him a frilly apron!” laughed Katsuya. “I want a picture of that! Oh! And a hat! Get him the hat!”

“G’day, chaps,” greeted Bakura. “Top of the day to you.” Katsuya knocked him upside his albino head.  
“Stop with the fake British accent! You’re Japanese, you can tell by your name!”  
“Ow, sorry,” Bakura apologized while rubbing his new bruise. “I was watching the dub earlier.”  
“Just don’t do it again. Where’s the starting point?”  
“Over here, Jounouchi-kun.” Yugi lead him over to the side, Bakura following and mumbling to himself.  
“Bloody wanker.”

The game was going smoothly with plenty of others joining in until a certain friend of giant proportions thought it would be fun, too. A shadow fell over the group like an eclipse, if an eclipse had arms and had been holding a large piece of pig shank.  
“Bobasa! No!” shouted Katsuya and many others in desperation. “It’s Leap Frog not Leap Elephant!”  
“But I want to play too!” proclaimed the extra large man with his side of ham hock. He took a running leap!  
“SCATTER!”

A huge wave of sand erupted from the epicenter of the man’s landing, spraying everyone ten yards away with the grains. Katsuya and his friends dug themselves out of their sandy tombs and gave their Godzilla-size friend a good glare. Katsuya and the starfish looked like they had whale hips from the sand in their pockets. The man laughed and ate his hammy goodness.  
“Sorry! Eat! You’ll feel better!”

“Hello, everybody!” came a familiar gay lisp from a megaphone. “I’m Big Clam Al and welcome to Miho’s Beach Party Extravaganza!” It was Al from the Nudie Beach tour, now hosting the events for Miho’s gathering. Clam suit and all. He wiggled his hips as much as a clam could wiggle and waved to the cheering crowd. “Everybody who signed up for the race, get to the starting line!” There was a huge clamoring as all of the contestants tried to get there first. Peony the Penguin won, followed by ALF who had retired to Domino last year.  
“Okay, everybody!” cried Big Clam Al. He pointed a working model of a G29 handgun with the standard magazine of 10 bio-degradable rounds at the sky. “Get ready, set, go go go!”

BANG!  
SQUAWK!  
THUD!

A feathery body fell to the sand. Yami ran up and snatched the smoking carcass. “This is going on the grill!” He ran back off-screen.

“Was that Yami running around with a dead bird?” asked Anzu as she approached the results of Hurricane Bobasa.  
“Hey, Anzu! We were wondering where you were,” said Katsuya. “Yami learned to cook apparently. Hey, nice swimsuit.” Anzu grinned and showed off with a few sexy poses.  
“Thanks! It took forever to find the limited Mystical Elf edition! Isn’t it cute how she’s wearing a swimsuit too?”  
“Yeah, it’s pretty nifty! Whoa, I smell something super good!” The blond started drooling. “I’ll be right back,” he claimed as he walked off, following wherever his nose beckoned he go.

Seto smirked when he spotted his lover walking zombie-like towards him. He slathered more of the mango-scented sun block on and continued moving backwards towards one of the public bathrooms. The lotion was proving to be more than just good at protecting his geek-colored skin; it was also the perfect bait for luring in Golden Retrievers. “Here, puppy, puppy, puppy. I’ve got a treat for you.” Seto glanced at the ingredients on the back, wondering if it would also make a good lube.

Katsuya was almost in his grasp when right at that moment...

“INCOMING!”

SPLASH!

“Who did that?!” Katsuya whipped around with righteous anger in his eyes. He ran off and grabbed a water balloon from one of the many buckets that had just been brought out.

Seto stared at the rampaging blond. How the hell had his perfect plan gotten usurped by a bunch of water in body bags? The brunet took a seat under a Yoda-shaped umbrella and watched the renewed chaos on the sand.

“EEEK!” screamed a girl. “That one had paint in it!” Indeed it did. The bright green clashed horribly with her Crayola-dyed skin.  
“Whoever gets hit with a paint balloon has to kiss me!” shouted a guy Seto didn’t recognize. Girls started running around like monkeys with their butts on fire. Unfortunately, one of these girls scampered in Seto’s general direction.

SPLOOSH!

Pink paint soaked into Seto’s fine hair and dripped down his face. He looked like a giant wad of bubblegum.

Blue eyes zoomed in on the miscreant and locked on target. Seto pulled the bottle of sun block from his pocket, held it by the neck, then pegged the guy on the back of the head with a loud bing! And because Seto is TEH AWESOME, the container bounced right back into his hand. “Hn.”

He watched his victim stumble around in a daze until he fell on top of a girl, his hands on her skimpily clad breasts, and then got the crap slapped out of him for the transgression. The guy’s body was flung off where he collided with a girl playing the Melon game. The bat went flying out of her hand and slammed into another guy who was carrying a loaded picnic basket. The basket went flying through the air in a beautiful arc, continued over Seto’s head where it went into a triple rolling flip to dump its entire contents onto Honda and Miho who were making out.  
“What the hell?!” bellowed the fin head.  
“My hair!”

Seto laughed and felt satisfied. Never let it be said he didn’t go the whole nine yards when getting revenge.

The sun begun its descent and Seto found himself dragged to the stage area by Katsuya. “Miho said a band’s coming!”  
“Joy.”

“Hello, everybody! It’s Big Clam Al, and I’m here to introduce our local talent, Fuzzy Electric Juices! Cla~p!” The crowd cheered even without the giant clam’s urging. The band waves to the crowd and began with a song by their idols ‘They Might Be Giants’.  
“The sun is a mass of incandescent gas, a giant nuclear furnace, where hydrogen is built into helium at a temperature of millions of degrees!” Here the audience joined in, waving and clapping. “Yo-ho it’s hot, the sun is not a place where we could live. But here on Earth there’d be no life without the light it gives!”

Seto wondered why he wasn’t dead yet from his brain dribbling out of his ears, though that could be because the dried paint was plugging them up. Since when did people make songs from third grade science essays? It had to be some sort of brainwashing mechanism. Even Katsuya, who detested science, was enjoying reciting the parts that made the big ball in the sky.  
Hell must have just frozen over and started a skiing tournament. That had to be it.

The brunet hid his head between his knees and tried to ignore it all until he heard Katsuya start fussing about something, so he lifted his head back up. Why were they juggling rubber fish?

“Roly-poly fish heads are never seen drinking cappuccino in Italian restaurants with oriental women!”

“Dammit! Stop that, you little rodent!” Seto tore his eyes from the stage and glanced at his boyfriend.  
“What are you howling about?”  
“This squirrel keeps stealing my potato chips!”  
“Just chase it away.”  
“I’m trying! But it’s like the Goliath of all squirrels!” Katsuya spread his arms apart. “He’s this big!”  
“He’s as big as the midget?” Seto said, full of doubt. The blond blushed.  
“Maybe this big,” he corrected and moved his hands closer together, now showing about the size of Snoopy. At Seto’s continued look his hands gravitated closer still to about the size of a rabbit. “Okay, this big. Anyways, he’s big!”  
“I’m sure he is,” Seto said just to placate him.

A little red-brown blur jumped from the shadows and landed by the blonde’s plate, snagging a large slab of salty yummy. Seto saw that it was a squirrel after all. It wasn’t the size of a rabbit, maybe a small pigeon, but it was pretty big for a Japanese squirrel so he gave Katsuya credit for that. The squirrel blew his boyfriend a raspberry and ran off, his fluffy tail sticking up like a certain vulgar hand signal.

“That’s it! The squirrel dies!” Katsuya started chasing the little critter around with an inflatable mallet making squeaking sounds all the way.  
Squeak!  
Squeak! Squeak!  
Squeak! Squeak! Squeak!  
Squeak!Squeak!Squeak!Squeak!Squeak!Squeak!Squeak!Squeak!Squeak!Squeak!Squeak!Squeak!Squeak!Squeak!Squeak!Squeak!Squeak!Squeak!Squeak!Squeak!Squeak!Squeak!Squeak!Squeak!Squeak!Squeak!Squeak!Squeak!Squeak!Squeak!Squeak!Squeak!Squeak!Squeak!Squeak!Squeak!Squeak!Squeak!Squeak!Squeak!Squeak!Squeak!Squeak!Squeak!Squeak!Squeak!Squeak!Squeak!Squeak!Squeak!Squeak!Squeak!Squeak!Squeak!Squeak!Squeak!Squeak!Squeak!Squeak!Squeak!Squeak!Squeak!Squeak!Squeak!Squeak!Squeak!Squeak!Squeak!Squeak!Squeak!Squeak!Squeak!Squeak!Squeak!Squeak!Squeak!Squeak!Squeak!Squeak!Squeak!Squeak!Squeak!Squeak!Squeak!Squeak!Squeak!Squeak!Squeak!Squeak!Squeak!Squeak!Squeak!Squeak!Squeak!Squeak!Squeak!

Seto rolled his eyes, walked over to Big Clam Al, who was telling anyone who would listen about his American cousin in some place called South Park, then snatched the 29 Glock and shot the squirrel. It went up in a poof of fur and chip pieces!  
“This is on the grill!” Yami ran off-screen again.

“My hero!” Katsuya kissed his boyfriend then took back his seat, now kleptomaniac squirrel-free. “Hey, Bakura, I was just wondering where your yami is?”  
“You mean Kage?”  
“Kage?”  
“Yeah. It was getting confusing. Someone would yell ‘Bakura!’ and we would both answer. So he renamed himself.”  
“Oh, okay. So where’s Kage?”  
“I have no clue.”  
“That can’t be good.”

Meanwhile, the band continued singing. “Is he depressed, or is he a mess? Does he feel totally worthless? Who came up with Person Man? Degraded man. Person Man. Triangle Man, Triangle Man, Triangle Man hates Person Man. They have a fight, Triangle wins. Triangle Man.”

It was just then that Seto noticed a shadow by the side of the stage. “Attack! Attack, my lovelies!” commanded the now no longer missing albino yami, the white shadow of the ring newly named Kage. He threw open his trench coat and cackled as hundreds of sea monkeys on the backs of flies swarmed out to assault the band members and their evil accordions.  
“Found him,” Seto deadpanned. Bakura sweatdropped.  
“I’ve been wondering what he was doing in his spare time.”  
“You need to get him a hobby,” suggested Katsuya. “Whoa! Incoming!” The blond got up and ran for it as the sea monkeys made a beeline for his cute ass, and he really didn’t want them there. His ass was reserved for a certain multi-billionaire who wasn’t Bill Gates.

Seto watched the party break down into fits of running and screaming. It was becoming a war zone that would make Hollywood and Ranma fans proud. He rested back down on his towel and waited for everyone to topple over from exhaustion.

He wasn’t getting laid tonight, that was for sure.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Items used:  
> 3\. Outdoor concert  
> 4\. A pocket full of sand  
> 6\. Flying picnic basket  
> 12\. A crazed, potato chip stealing/eating, squirrel.  
> 13\. Water balloon fight  
> 17\. A G29 (Glock) with the standard magazine of 10 rounds.  
> 18\. Mango scented sun block  
> 19\. An interrupted make out scene with any couple except Seto and Joey.


	3. Attempt #6

Mokuba’s fingers formed a steeple in front of his face, and the single overhead light shining on him glinted off of the plastic glasses he had perched on his nose with the help of a band-aid. Just above his head was a sign bearing silver writing, KAIBA CORP 02.

Colored lights came to life. Under each one was a black monolith bearing silver script. These were labeled as KAIBA CORP 03-08. Below a sign that said KAIBA CORP 01, on the opposite side of the table from Mokuba, was a futuristic visor, but it would not be used tonight.

“Gentlemen,” said the young vice president, “I had a dream.”

“Not again,” said Red.  
“I hope this doesn’t turn out like the last one,” commented Yellow.

Mokuba scowled and cleared his throat. “I had a dream that everyone from the smallest child to the elderliest grandparent were enjoying themselves and having a good time. I had a dream that Kaiba Corporation would throw the biggest event of anyone this summer. I had a dream that our sales would sky rocket because of it. I had a dream that I was wearing a chicken suit, but that’s another thing entirely.”

The underage vice president snapped his fingers, and a large flat-screen monitor was lowered from the ceiling. “As you can see from the display, sells for certain merchandise is down. This problem must be remedied!”  
“Actually,” said Green, “that’s a CG of the President doing the Numa Numa dance.”  
“Oops!” Mokuba located a remote and turned the screensaver off.

“Anyways,” the boy continued, “we will hold a Scavenger Hunt! The participants will be given two weeks to locate several items. The grand prize winner will received a nest egg of ten thousand dollars! Unwanted items left after the hunt will go to charity. I’ve already contacted some of the local businesses and have made preparations.” There was clapping though one could only see big black blocks. “Any questions?”  
“Just one, sir,” said Blue. He was a monolith in the back. “Do we have to keep holding these giant cardboard cut-outs at our meetings?”  
“Yes.”

 

Mokuba waited until after Seto had left for Kaibaland to fix a malfunctioning VR pod, Katsuya tagging along in hopes that he’d get to test it afterwards. The boy didn’t understand why Seto couldn’t just hire a team of people and teach them to keep up with the pods, but it all worked out for the younger Kaiba in the end. He called up his friends to give them a heads up on the Scavenger Hunt before it was televised after lunch. He’d call Yugi last, and if he was right, his tri-colored friend would track Katsuya down only minutes before the announcement.

Mokuba was right on the money. By the time Yugi had found his blond buddy Seto was finished doing repairs and putting the moves on his boyfriend.

“C’mon, Seto, let me test it!” Katsuya gave his lover big ol’ puppy eyes. Seto smirked and ran a hand up and down Katsuya’s back.  
“I’ll let you test it after a break in my office.”  
“Oh, I see,” Katsuya purred.

“Jounouchi-kun!” Yugi jumped right onto his blond friend and clung to his head like a brain snatcher. Seto scowled.

“Didn’t I ban you from my park?!” he shouted, outraged at being interrupted once more.  
“Seto-kun, you can’t ban me. I’m the star of the show,” the starfish stated as a matter of fact.  
“But the show’s not even on right now!” Seto wanted to throw a fit and chuck the midget out the door while he was at it. Someone or something was against his getting laid this summer!

“What is it, Yugi?” Katsuya asked to get the story moving along again.  
“I just heard that Kaiba Corp. is throwing the coolest scavenger hunt ever and wanted to know if you were participating.”  
“Dude! There’s a scavenger hunt?! I’m totally in, I love those things!” He whipped around so fast that Yugi was sent flying.  
“Whoa!”

“Seto, you didn’t say anything about a hunt!” Katsuya pouted.  
“It’s one of Mokuba’s schemes, I wasn’t privy to it.”  
“Oh, okay. Hey, Yugi, you alright there?”  
“I’m okay,” he chirped. “My hair broke my fall!”

Just then, every LCD monitor in the park and, in fact, all the ones tagged onto the side of buildings in the city because Kaiba Corp. was always doing that, halted their normal activities to broadcast a special report.  
“Good morning, Domino!” shouted Mokuba, looking cheerful as ever. “This is Mokuba Kaiba, the Vice President of Kaiba Corporation, here to tell you all about this year’s summer bash activity. We’re holding a city-wide scavenger hunt!” Mokuba disappeared off the screen to show various items of the Duel Monsters kind. “There are nineteen items to find and one activity to perform. But why should you enter, other than just for kicks and summer memories?” Mokuba popped back up, holding a suitcase. He opened it to display the contents held within. “Because the grand prize winner gets ten thousand big ones! That’s why!”

The crowd went wild.

“If you wish to enter, please stop by any Kaiba Corp. business or building to receive the rule packet, the item list, and a nifty participant button.” Said button had a Blue Eyes White Dragon holding a knapsack on it.

“Let’s go, Yugi!”  
“Yeah!”

Seto sighed and followed Katsuya and his lover’s companion to the nearest counter. So much for his Late Morning Quickie.

 

Katsuya and Yugi decided to enter as a pair. Now sporting their new nifty buttons, they split the list in half and each went a separate way in hopes of getting that many more items that much quicker before they all sold out and E-bay was their only option. Needless to say, Seto got dragged to the closest store that his boyfriend knew of.

It was crowded, stuffy, and too many people were wearing that stupid button. The blond had no trouble diving right into the living mass.

Seto watched Katsuya run on ahead to reach the pharmacy area and sighed to himself. All the lubricant in the world was right here and he wasn’t going to get the chance to use any of it. What a waste.  
He ignored the crowd of children, teenagers, and adults alike that swarmed around him as he made slow progress to the back end of the store. By the time he reached his destination, Katsuya had grabbed what seemed to be the last box of Duel Monsters band-aids. People were trying to buy it off the blond left and right, but his lover wasn’t having any of it. What use did the honey blond have for money when he was doing this for fun and his boyfriend was a multi-billionaire anyways?

Seto followed Katsuya to the vitamin area. Looked like trouble finally caught up to its usual charge.

At the same time, Katsuya and another boy grabbed the last Duel Monster vitamin bottle. They glared at each other, gritting their teeth and grunting like Echidnas. Neither one was going to give in to the other. Katsuya finally spoke. “Duel ya for it!”  
“I choose the duel!”  
“Winner gets the vitamins!”

Seto groaned. Something told him this was going to be ridiculous and not involve Duel Monsters at all.

“The game’s called Omega-Alpha. I’ll say a word then you’ll have to say one that starts with the last letter and we’ll go back and forth until someone messes up. No repeats. Tripod.”  
“Doctorate.”  
“Egotistical.”  
“Linguistics.”

Seto cleared off a bottom shelf and had a seat. This looked like it was going to take a while. He checked his watch. Hopefully it wouldn’t take TOO long. If this ran through his puppy’s feeding time things could get messy in not fun ways.

30 minutes later...

“Antidisestablishmentarianism.”  
“Monochromatic.”  
“Carbohydrates.”  
“... Santa.”

Katsuya thought hard. He needed a word that would throw his opponent off balance and still start with an A, and it had to be something he hasn’t already said. He didn’t think words like Appalachia or Agathokakological were going to do it. ARRGH! He needed an ace up his sleeve, something random he never thought he would use. Wait... Ace? That’s it!

The grin on the blonde’s face made the kid worried. But he shook off his doubt. Nothing that he said could throw him off his game! He watched Katsuya take a deep breath, then...

“Acetylseryltyrosylserylisoleucylthreonylserylprolylserylglutaminylphenylalanylvalylphenylalanylleucylserylserylvalyltryptophylalanylaspartylprolylisoleucylglutamylleucylleucylasparaginylvalylcysteinylthreonylserylserylleucylglycylasparaginylglutaminylphenylalanylglutaminylthreonylglutaminylglutaminylalanylarginylthreonylthreonylglutaminylvalylglutaminylglutaminylphenylalanylserylglutaminylvalyltryptophyllysylprolylphenylalanylprolylglutaminylserylthreonylvalylarginylphenylalanylprolylglycylaspartylvalyltyrosyllysylvalyltyrosylarginyltyrosylasparaginylalanylvalylleucylaspartylprolylleucylisoleucylthreonylalanylleucylleucylglycylthreonylphenylalanylaspartylthreonylarginylasparaginylarginylisoleucylisoleucylglutamylvalylglutamylasparaginylglutaminylglutaminylserylprolylthreonylthreonylalanylglutamylthreonylleucylaspartylalanylthreonylarginylarginylvalylaspartylaspartylalanylthreonylvalylalanylisoleucylarginylserylalanylasparaginylisoleucylasparaginylleucylvalylasparaginylglutamylleucylvalylarginylglycylthreonylglycylleucyltyrosylasparaginylglutaminylasparaginylthreonylphenylalanylglutamylserylmethionylserylglycylleucylvalyltryptophylthreonylserylalanylprolylalanylserine!”

The boy’s jaw had dropped halfway through the word. He blinked his eyes and tried to process just what he had heard. “What?” Katsuya smirked.  
“Actually, the last letter was an E, not a W.” The boy cursed when he realized his mistake.  
“DAMMIT!”

Katsuya laughed in triumph as he took the container of Duel Monster Multi-vitamins and tossed it into the basket with the Duel Monsters band-aids. 

Seto checked the items off the list for him while Katsuya paid for the merchandise.

Duel Monsters band-aids... Check.  
Duel Monsters Multi-vitamins... Check.  
Kaibaland VR Game Card with a minimum of five hours playing time... Double check. He had at least five hundred.

Now they needed a Kuriboh backpack, a Celtic Elf lunchbox, Obelisk the Tormentor swimming trunks, a Blue Eyes White Dragon Plushie, Ra the Sun God sunglasses, Flaming Warrior boxers, a Special Edition Ultimate Blue Eyes Duel Disk, a Change of Heart shirt, a Dark Magician Pencil, Slipher the Sky Dragon pants, Lord of D key ring, the Duel Monsters: How to Play DVD, a Stone Guardian pencil case, the Feral Imp Action Figure, a Mystical Elf swimsuit, a Cyber Warrior baseball cap, and a Red Eyes Black Dragon pen.

“Are you through making a fool of yourself?” Seto asked, and was pleased that he didn’t sound as desperate as he felt at the moment. He had been appalled by the overall performance (barring that last moment of genius that allowed his boyfriend to remember a word he only heard once while watching a special on the longest words in the world), except the part where the blond started wiggling around in frantic thought, he enjoyed that. It gave him lots of nice ideas for when he got Katsuya out of this inane hunting spree. His boyfriend blew a raspberry at him.  
“Have some fun, Seto! Come on, there are plenty more items I still need to get! To the school supply store!”

 

It was funny how NORMAL the store looked until they got inside. The place looked like it had been used in a World War III movie or Shaun of the Dead. That didn’t stop Katsuya from becoming a blond blur as he ran through the isles though.

It was because of Seto’s usual lag time that he was taken by surprise at the event happening before his blue eyes.

Seto wondered if he should be writing this down. Where was a camera when he needed one? This would be good for a manga or something. Seriously, how many people were going to believe that Katsuya was dueling a penguin for a lunchbox? He wondered how the penguin got the Duel Disk to stay on its flipper. After all, it was made to conform to human arms. He should know, seeing how he was the one who invented it.

The brunet tried to get in closer to have a look. Maybe the straps had been modified? Or it could be a midget in a realistic penguin suit.

“SQUAWK!”

No, that was a real penguin.

“Ha! Take that back to the South Pole!”

WHY was there a penguin in the first place? It was strange enough when one showed up to Miho’s beach party. Were penguins moving in? Maybe he should start thinking up products to sell to them? A new line of fishing games might be in order.

“Seto, c’mon! I won! Let’s get going!”  
“Coming.” He stood and grabbed Katsuya by the arm. “This way.”  
“But-”  
“We are getting you something to eat before you remember at the wrong moment you’re hungry. I don’t want to have to pay damages to the city again for your Hulk Smash impression.”  
“Oh, come on! That happened only once and I hadn’t eaten all day!”

After stuffing a whole pizza, three burritos, lasagna, chicken teriyaki, a baked potato, two llamas, and a duck down Katsuya’s throat to find their way to the blonde’s bottomless pit that posed as a stomach, Seto found himself dragged to one of the middle class neighborhoods.

“Why are we here?”  
“Anzu’s place is here. She has like a billion Mystical Elf swimsuits, so I’m going to borrow one.”  
“She’s probably off doing this insane activity as well, mutt,” Seto reminded him. How he wished this nightmare would stop.  
“She won’t even notice.”  
“You realize that’s considered stealing,” Seto pointed out. “You’ll have to break in as well.”  
“Her mom will let us in, don’t worry!” Katsuya assured him with a grin, artfully dodging the whole stealing bit. “I bet she’ll even give us cookies!”  
“You just ate enough to feed the Miami Dolphins!”  
“Your point being?”

“Jounouchi-kun! Hello! It’s been a while, darling. Come in, come in. And you must be Jounouchi-kun’s boyfriend, Kaiba-kun. I’ve heard so much about you. Here, have some milk and cookies!”

Seto thought he would go blind from the pink sparkles radiating off the woman and wondered where the fluffy white bunnies and cute baby duckies were. No wonder Anzu always went on and on about friendship and other cavity-inducing crap. Just look at her mom! The girl must have been brainwashed or driven crazy at an early age!

“Thanks, Mazaki-san! We’re just going to grab something for Anzu from her room first.”  
“Go ahead, boys.” Seto cringed from the rainbows and sunshine and ran up the stairs to escape.

Katsuya laughed. “Geez, you’re actin’ like she was attacking us or something!”  
“Quiet, mutt,” Seto growled in irritation. “Where does she keep her swimwear?”  
“No idea, you’ll have to help me look.”

Three drawers full of frilly under garments, socks, and jewelry later and all they had to account for it was a vibrator. Seto pushed that knowledge to the back of his mind and hoped to never encounter it again. Now if only Katsuya would stop laughing and saying, “I know what I’m getting her for her birthday!”

Seto opened the girl’s closet. Yup, there they were. All nice and hung up like at the store. “Found them.” The brunet shuffled through the many different types of swimming gear until he encounter what was probably designated as the Mystical Elf section. He grabbed one and tossed it to his boyfriend. “Now lets get out of here.”  
“After milk and cookies,” Katsuya declared.

Seto ground his teeth but said nothing as he stomped back down stairs... And slipped on a magazine.  
A Cosmopolitan magazine.   
A very slippery Cosmopolitan magazine.  
An extremely slippery Cosmopolitan magazine that sent him careening down the last stretch of stairs and onto a hardwood floor.

He wondered how they both missed it on the way up.

“Oh shit! Seto!” Katsuya ran over to him from where he had been stuffing cookies in his mouth.  
“Oh my!” cried Mazaki-san. “I’ll get the first aid kit!” She dashed presumably to the bathroom.

Katsuya waved a hand in front of his boyfriend’s eyes. “You okay?!”  
“I’ve fallen and I can’t get up.”  
“I have the kit!” Mazaki-san kneeled beside them and began pulling things out. For some reason all of their first aid supplies were covered in Hello Kitty and other Sanrio characters.  
“I’m up.” Seto pushed himself into a sitting position and ignored the screaming of muscles to stand. He started dragging Katsuya towards their escape route, AKA the front door. “Let’s go.”

“Bye, Mazaki-san,” the blond called out. Golden-brown eyes then scanned his lover up and down. “If you’re really okay we still have things to find.”

Seto sighed and resigned himself to his fate. At least Katsuya was having a grand time of things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Items used:  
> 2\. A duel  
> 5\. Stolen swimsuit  
> 10\. A Scavenger Hunt with a time limit of two weeks and a grand prize of $10,000.  
> 15\. A clandestine midnight meeting


	4. Attempt #475

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: The Oompa Loompas belong to Roald Dahl.

Yugi called Katsuya’s cell phone to ask if he and Seto wanted to go on a triple date with him, Yami, Honda, and Miho. But all he got was the blonde’s interesting phone message with the song ‘Monster Mash’ playing in the background.

“Heya! It’s the incredible, edible Jounouchi Katsuya! I can’t answer my phone right now because I’m dead. Leave a message with my mortician and I’m sure he’ll put it in my coffin. I’ll get back to you as soon as I’ve become a poltergeist. BYE!”

Yugi collapsed in a fit of laughter for several minutes.

Mokuba’s cell phone rang, cheering out the tune to ‘Cooking by the Book’ from Lazy Town. “Satan’s Hotline, how may we damn you?” the boy said quite cheerfully when he picked up. “Oh hey, Yugi! How’s it going?”  
“I’m wondering where Jounouchi-kun and Seto-kun are. Some of us thought we’d make it a triple date day.”  
“They’re taking the hobbits to Isengard.” Yugi blinked.  
“What did you say?”  
“I said, ‘They’re taking the corvette to Beauregarde.’ It’s a massage pallor.”  
“Oh, okay! I must be watching too much YouTube,” the tri-colored teen said to himself.

“Hey, can Shizuka and I come instead? I was about to call her.”  
“Sure, just don’t let Jounouchi-kun find out,” Yugi chuckled. “He’ll think I’m encouraging naughty behavior between you two.”  
“Aw, we don’t need you to encourage ANYTHING between us,” Mokuba quipped, smirking.

 

At the place of Beauregarde, Katsuya was blissfully unaware of Mokuba’s probable plans for his dear, sweet, baby sister. Not that his sister ever complained, but that was beside the point.

Seto had surprised him that morning by telling him of his grand plan for a three week getaway. First was their reservation at Beauregarde for full body massages. Katsuya felt like strawberry jelly on top of rice pudding.

It was heaven.

Seto was also in his happy place of puppy-dog tails. He hadn’t been able to relax much lately because insane events insisted on following Katsuya everywhere. It was getting so bad that he had started sending glances upwards to check to see if a God he didn’t believe in hated his guts or just had a real sick sense of humor.  
What’s next? No sex on the account of raining frogs?  
A stampede of goats?  
A Were-ewe?

Seto mentally shuddered at that particular bit of imagery and smacked himself. He was going to stop watching late night American horror films with Mokuba and Katsuya. They were obviously contaminating his brain matter with ludicrous notions.

His significant other chose that moment to giggle out of nowhere, breaking his train of thought. He raised a brow.

“What is it?” Seto just hoped he didn’t regret asking that.  
“Ever notice that the Candyman song is really perverted?”  
“What?” Blue eyes opened to stare at his lover.  
“I mean, come on! Who can take tomorrow and dip it in a dream, separate the sorrow and collect up all the cre—”  
“Stop right there, mutt.”  
“But he mixes it with love and makes the world taste—”  
“No more!”

The blond continued to giggle but he stopped torturing his boyfriend.  
For the time being.

 

After the Beauregarde, the young couple went to the Sakana-Ya, a top-notch sushi restaurant. Katsuya squeal with glee and almost had an orgasm on the spot. Ramen and other junk food was his chosen staple in life, but sushi was his sin. Girls could have their chocolate, but he wanted his raw fish on rice and seaweed!

“I take it you’re pleased?” Seto questioned with a smirk on his handsome face.  
“Have I told you how much I love you?”  
“You can show me later.”

Seto had waited for the other shoe to drop during their meal, but things were surprisingly quiet outside of Katsuya’s consistent stream of chattering and eating.

“I have a couple more surprises for you this evening,” Seto informed his lover while he waited for the waiter to return with his credit card.  
“Oh, tell me! Tell me!” begged the blond. Seto could see a tail wagging behind him.  
“It’s not a surprise if I tell you.”  
“That’s not fair,” Katsuya pouted.  
“One of the surprises is special, so you can wait.” He smirked when the blond stuck his tongue out at him.

“Your card, sir.”  
“Thank you. Come on, pup.”

Outside waited a white limousine. “Dude! Those things come in white?” Katsuya ran up to the car to get a closer look.  
“They come in any color I pay for.”  
“How about yellow?” Seto raised a brow.  
“Why yellow?”  
“Cause then we can call it the Twinkie mobile!”

Seto shook his head and attempted to hide a smile. “Just get in.”

The hotel was on the other side of town, which gave Katsuya plenty of time to fall asleep, snuggled up to his generous boyfriend’s side. The blue-eyed man considered waking him up with a blow job, but decided to refrain. Let him sleep now and he’ll have energy to go ALL night.

It looked like things were finally going his way, until they reached the expensive, five-star, book a year in advance hotel. “Is that a giant band-aid?”  
“It looks like it, sir,” answered his driver.

The Masamune Hotel was indeed sporting a large bandage across half of its body. The front entrance was intact, however. Seto, without waking Katsuya, got out and strolled inside to see what was going on. It had to be the slow part of the evening because there was only one person behind the front counter. A gold badge pinned to her shirt proclaimed that she was the manager. The woman smiled when she saw him.

“Good evening, sir. Please excuse the mess. There was a contained fire recently.”  
“How did it happen?” He didn’t really care, but he was curious. The outside was wrapped up like a broken arm.  
“From what I’ve been told, it had something to do with an elf, a dog, and a Dove chocolate bar. I didn’t ask for details.”  
“Right...” 

Seto decided to forget that he had asked at all and handed the woman his confirmation number. “The reservation is for two, under Seto Kaiba.”  
“Yes, Kaiba-sama.”

BEEP.  
ERROR.  
BEEP.  
ERROR.

The manager frowned and typed in several other things, but with the same result. “I’m sorry, sir, we don’t have any record of this transaction.”

Oh no no no NO! This was NOT happening NOW! He had Katsuya fed and in a good mood with charged batteries! He was NOT going to let anything else interfere with his plans!

He was getting laid, dammit!

“That’s NOT acceptable!” Seto ground his teeth and slammed his fist on the counter.  
“I’m sorry, sir! I’m trying to pull up your confirmation number, but it seems the fire also affected our computer system!”

The woman’s fingers were making a mad dash across the keys, trying to force the computer to work as it should. The manager ‘epped’ under Seto’s intense glare. “While I work on this, sir, how about a word with the company consultants? They may be able to suggest an alternative.” In truth, she just hoped they bought her enough time to THINK of an acceptable alternative. The company advisors were practically useless in her opinion. “It’s about time for them to leave for the day, but I’m sure they’ll stay a while longer if I call them now.” Without waiting for the young, and very pissed off, CEO’s consent, she pressed a purple button that was on the desk.

Seto huffed and crossed his arms to wait for these ‘consultants’. If he didn’t see some action soon, he was going to have to pull out the lawyer card. He heard the elevator go ‘bing’ and turned to face it, assuming that was them. His jaw mentally dropped to the floor when he saw what had exited. Several whats, in fact. He refused to identify them as human. Seto felt the hair on the back of his neck stand on end when the little orange men things with green hair and white eye brows started walking around him in a circle.

Where was that music coming from? It didn’t sound like the overhead system!

“Oompa loompa doompadee do, I’ve got the perfect counsel for you. Oompa loompa doompada dee, if you are wise you’ll listen to me.” Seto jumped when one pulled on his pants leg.  
“What do you do when you’re trying to get laid?” Another jumped onto his arm, making him fall over.  
“But things fall apart like a poor charade?” The strange creatures all looked down at his face.  
“Everything you booked went up in fire. Life is looking rather dire.” One sat on his chest and got too close for comfort, getting nose-to-nose with him.  
“You should ask for a refund.” They all jumped back into standing position then began walking towards the rotating doors.  
“Oompa loompa doompadee dare, don’t you hate that life’s not fair? But you can still leave in happiness too, like the Oompa Loompa doompadee do.” The last one turned back and winked at him.  
“Doompadee do.”

Seto stared at the exit in a stupor. What the HELL was that?!

The manager’s brow was twitching and her smile was strained when Seto managed to climb back to his feet. “I’m sorry about that,” she apologized. “I don’t know why they were hired. But we do have one option that’s open to you, Kaiba-sama.”  
“Better than that display I hope.”  
“Of course, sir!” She printed something up and placed it onto the counter. “Please, I insist you take our president’s summer lodge just a few miles out in the mountains. The weather this time of year is fabulous. It’ll be half-off what you were going to originally pay for your room here. There’s also a smaller, separate cabin just down the road for your driver.” Seto looked at the pictures but seemed doubtful. “I’ll be sure to throw in something extra.” Her smile grew. “And you’ll be COMPLETELY alone, sir.”  
“I’ll take it.”

Katsuya was still out like a drained car battery when he slipped back into the limo. He had already given the new instructions to the driver, so sat back to relax.

As if by some magnetic force, the blond gravitated closer and closer until long arms latched around Seto’s thin waist. Katsuya cuddled down and nuzzled his face into Seto’s lap with a happy sigh like a big, shaggy cat. The brunet thought this was all rather unfair.

He petted the mane of sunshine and watched the scenery pass by as they drove beyond the outskirts of the city.  
Seto then remembered he never checked in with Mokuba when he reached the hotel because of the whole ‘fire plus reservations equals bad’ thing. He tapped the keys on his cell with one hand, but when the little beeping tones failed to reach his ears, he glanced to the display.

It was blank.  
There was a definite lack of power bars.

Well damn, he forgot to plug it in last night. Running away from that escaped Grizzly Bear at the zoo must have tired him out more than he thought.  
Oh well, he’ll call his little brother in the morning using the lodge’s phone instead, and if Mokuba really needed to know where they were he could contact the hotel and he’d be redirected from there.

Seto shook Katsuya awake once the limo stopped at the house. “Pup, wake up. We’re here.” The blond groaned and snuggled deeper into his lap.  
“Dun wanna...”  
“Get up. I told you I had a surprise.”  
“Oka~y...” the sleepy man consented.

At Seto’s insistence, the blond eventually found his way out of the limo’s interior and onto green grass with that fresh grassy smell. “Huh?” Katsuya rubbed his eyes then opened them again. “Whoa! You serious? A real cabin?”  
“I told you it would be special.”  
“You da man!” Katsuya pounced and gave him a big kiss! “Come on! Let’s go in!”

Before Seto could blink, the energetic blond had bounded inside to explore the two-story building. “Awesome!”

Seto smirked and followed him indoors, heading straight up the stairs to scout out the bedroom. It was detrimental to his plans and had to be properly prepared. Dim lighting, maybe a couple scented candles, and... He stopped in his tracks just inside the doorway.

Where the hell was the bed?!

The brunet snatched up a letter that had been left on the ornamental dresser. The handwriting was neat, fancy, and had the flavor of a woman with a British accent. ‘We’re sorry, but the bed has been removed for cleaning. Please accept our sincere apologies for the inconvenience. A Lovebirds Duo Sleeping Bag made by the Oki Doki-Doki Company has been left as compensation. Please enjoy your stay.’

Seto felt steam coming out of his ears as he crumbled the innocent paper.

“Hey, Seto!” Katsuya came charging up the stairs and into the bedroom after a wrong turn. “There’s this huge TV and a pinball machine! Isn’t that the coolest?!” The blond paused for a moment then grinned. “Aww, Seto, I didn’t know you had such a romantic bone in you!”  
“Huh?”

His lover walked right passed him to get a look at the sleeping bag, still grinning. “Bag for two, that’s pretty cozy.” Katsuya began to strip, tossing his things into a corner for the time being. Golden-brown eyes winked at his stiff-backed boyfriend before he climbed into the sack.

“Oh man, I don’t know what this bag’s made of, but it feels GOOD!” Katsuya moaned and squirmed like he was entering the throes of ecstasy.  
Seto purred at the sight and got undressed then slid inside as well. Wow, this stuff DID feel good. He’d have to see about getting one or three of them.  
This had to be what the manager lady meant by throwing in something extra.

His favorite blond puppy then wiggled over and cuddled up to him. “Seeeetooooo.” Seto grinned.

Alone.  
No business phone.  
And totally butt naked.

EXCELLENT.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Items used:  
> 11\. Missing hotel reservations  
> 14\. A mountain lodge  
> 16\. Sleeping bag  
> 22\. Dead phone battery  
> 23\. Full body massage  
> 24\. Sushi  
> 25\. A white limousine
> 
> Want to stay updated on my art and stories?  
> It'll be two steps because I'm not allowed to mention my personal blog on here.  
> http://dawneastpoint.deviantart.com/journal/Check-Here-for-my-Updates-638603365

**Author's Note:**

> [Want to stay updated on my art and stories?](http://dawneastpoint.deviantart.com/journal/Check-Here-for-my-Updates-638603365)  
>  It'll be two steps because I'm not allowed to mention my personal blog on here.


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